Has he finally come for me? I believe he might be on the way this time. When an animal feels threatened, they claw their way out of a corner. And animal, he is. And cornered, he feels.
I had often wondered what way it would be that he comes. Would it be alone, at night, from the darkness? Would it be with my family, to punish their support? Would it be somewhere I would not expect it, like the parking garage or grocery store? At a large public place to make a spectacle?
Would he threaten me? Choke me? Shoot me? Beat me?
The criminal mind cannot be underestimated. The brilliant stalker can go undetected, unsuspected, and unpunished. Even if you know there is a problem, convincing someone else of the problem is not as easy. The insanely brilliant are more sophisticated than shooting it out in a blaze of glory. They hunt a man like they hunt wild game. Lay a trap. And wait.
I should have suspected the way he has arrived this last time. Why did I not think of this? Why did I not see the trap. The legal system. The very shield he hides behind is the one that is supposed to protect me. Yet he has cried the victim’s cry for so long while I upheld the silence of dignity, that I have become the one appearing as cold and calculating. Brilliance. Absolute, manipulative, criminal brilliance.
I fear the future. I fear the flaws of the legal system. I fear what is required if I fight back. I fear the gamble. I fear his win. He wins every time. He always wins.
I an usually more positive, hopeful, prayerful. But today is one of those days. In honestly, I’m tired today. Beat down. Feeling defeated.
I always come back. But today, I’m just being honest. Vulnerable. Pray for me.